I am proposed!!!! My boyfriend finally asked me to be his partner of life, to become his wife. For me, this is like my dream comes true. My dream is to be married by someone in twentieth third. From senior high school, if I were talking with my friends about marriage, I said that I wanted to be married at the age of 22 or 23.  Indeed I am so happy. But I am so nervous about marriage. Whenever I think about it, my heart beats so fast. I don’t know why. Many questions keep haunting me. How if he is not the one? How is he is not good enough for me? How is our life in the future, especially in the finance area. Frankly, one of my friend just got boyfriend. She always tells me that she wants to get rich boyfriend, who could give her an assurance for her future, whenever she married to him. Then I thought, my boyfriend is not that rich, could he assure my future? Then my mom keeps telling me that I have to be selective about this. She told me that I have to find a husband like my brother in law, who does have everything right now. A husband who loves my family, not only me. A husband who is diligent, responsible to the family, and me, as a woman, I don’t need to work. My husband has to do it, work hard for me. My duty is only maintaining the household and children. Not only my mother, but also my big sister keeps telling me the same. And she wondered why I have to marry in the young age, I should have many opportunity to find the best from the best. 

What should I do? This is the most important decision I have to make in my life. I am speaking this because I realize that a marriage is only once. I must not make a wrong decision. DEFINITELY NOT.

I am confuse. The only way I can do is nothing but pray to God to help me. I pray to God to show me which path I should choose. I seek Him in His word. After two weeks in the confusion, I now understand two things. 

First of all, I feel so ashamed why I do not have faith in God. Why do I have to need an assurance from a merely human? My faith should be laid on Him only. He is the one who takes care of me. Why should I worry about finance, if He has been faithful to provide everything I need until now? Surely He will provide everything I need in the future.  

Secondly, Psalm 119:105 said that

“thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path”

(source : google)

Now a days, evil try hard to diverse us from the truth. Not all the suggestions are right and applicable. Be sure to digest it, and screen with the Words of God. I am not telling you that what my family suggest me are bad, but in this condition, I just need to be wiser to differentiate what is God’s view and what is world’s view. I do believe that my parent and my family always want the best for me. But what world thinks is good, sometime is not good in the sight of the Lord. Because evil has ruined the world, it tries to ruin the truth. 

For me, in this case, I just need to think what God thinks about marriage? Is it about us and us? Do I have to make sure that I am safe with my husband, physically, mentally and financially? As a human, I have. But once again, my refuge is in God only, as well as my hope. My life in God’s hand. As I see that marriage is His design, what He wants from one marriage? I am sure that He wants us - everyone who is called to be married- to being drawn closer to Him, not to depend on human –our husband/wife-.  I believe He is the one who initiated my relationship, one thing I ask from Him is even I have my free will, let Him become the one who control my life, get away something that is not the best for me to fulfill His plan. 

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.