Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24, KJV)

Nuclear Family and Extended Family

Nuclear family is father, mother, and children. Extended family is family with grandparent, aunt, uncle etc. When we are married, we are supposed to create a new nuclear family, with you, your spouse and your children. We will leave our own parent and stay together (cleave) with our spouse.

But the dilemma is, mostly, new married couple has not financial stability yet to afford a house. Or our parent wants us to live with them after our marriage. So we live together with them. It is not wrong, but it would be better if we don’t.

God is the one who initiated marriage and God has recommended us to start a new independent family. He knows that a new marriage couple would never be independent if they still live with their parent. It would raise a conflict possibility. A husband, would never become a head of the family, because if he live with his parent after marriage, the head of the family still his father. For example, let’s say we are going to raise our children with discipline. If we stay with your parent, it would be difficult because our parent tends to spoil our children.  

But, how is my spouse is the only child? He can not leave his parent alone. Hhm, it is difficult. But you can make a deal. You can stay out for two or three years, then you can back. At least, you both have learn how to become a husband and wife, a head and helper, you have your own “family system”.

 www.lgrc.us

Family system

Family system is set of vision, mission and rules created by us (you and your spouse) for us. It is important for your family. One aspect of become independent is you know where your family is going. The system is also prevent your “new” family is intervened by your parent, your in law family or others. Let me simplify this.

Family vision : become a family which set a light for and become a blessing for other.

Family mission : create a family which every member of family has a fear of God and live in God-ly life.

Family rules :     

Financial Aspect

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24, KJV)

In the financial aspect, the most important is between us and our spouse there will be no more separation, my money and his money, her money and my money. No more. Since we are united in one flesh, everything to be followed is united also. As a new couple, manage a finance will be troublesome. We no longer have to fulfill our needs, we also have to think about our family. If we were still two, it will be no affect, but if we already have children, we must be very wise to manage our money. Financial management is important. At least, we have to allocate our money in these sectors :

Main :

Optional

Point 1-8 is the main. We must consider it as our priority while point 10-14 is optional, it could be, or could not be. The point is, that we have to manage our money, so that our outcome does not exceed our income.

Legal Aspect

Before we marry, please consider the legal aspect. There are many requirements we have to fulfill so that our marriage is legal. Do not think that after being blessed by our church, we are legal as husband and wife. We have to go to Civil Registration to register our marriage. Go to your nearest Civil Registration to get the requirements, and spare more time to do this.

Summary

We are married not for happiness, we are married for the purpose of God. He designed marriage for our spiritual growth. God created married to make us holy (Gary Thomas in the “Sacred Marriage”). God initiated marriage that through a marriage we can grow in the Christ-like character. He also wants a family where God is glorified there and be a God for their family. He also wants to demonstrate His love through a marriage. When we see that, we have to put in mind that marriage is God’s agenda, marriage is sacred. 

I learnt a lot of thing in this Premarital Camp held by Perhimpunan Keluarga Kharis. Everything I have shared for you in this and previous posts. I shared what everything I got and everything I learnt. I hope it can be blessing for you all. But I want to recommend you to join that camp as well. I believe you can learn more and  more things there. Please do sign up for the next camp =) check the detail in its website.