I wanted it. I really wanted it. I was optimist that I would pass all the recruitment processes if I do my best. Indeed, I got the email. I had passed the first step, and they were calling for psychotest and interview section. I was confident that if God has passed me through this far, He will lead me to the end of process. But I was wrong. I failed in the interview section. I was sad and disappointed. But life must go on. I decided to work in the local company in my town. Not to long, after pass the probation, I decided to resign. Again, I tried to find new job. I was applying in the company that I want to work and start my career. One company, I had passed two third of the steps, but I failed in the last one. I sent my application letter to another company and I got no response. I tried again, still no response from all of them. One night, 3 days ago to be exact, I gave up. I cried all night long, I was afraid. I was weary. I asked God where I should belong to be. Where I have to work. 

I always demand myself to become productive. In my mind, productive was working in office hour, I got paid and I do something useful for a such goodness. I was TOTALLY wrong. God does not have the same definition. For Him, being productive is simply stay close with Him. Being productive that He wants is doing everything that we could feel Him anytime, not doing work that get us far away from Him. And it is stated in Isaiah 55;8 "I don't think the way you think. The way I work isn't the way you work" (the Message). Everything has back to His point of view. That what I reflected. In the state of know nothing what my future holds, I believe He will direct me. 

dear God, 

I want to thank you for the closed doors.

Thank you for not allowing me to settle for second best.

Every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, 

You were re-directing me to something better.

God, please give me peace when frustration creeps in.

Give me strength to press on when I'm told "No!".

Thank you for teaching me that "no" is just a step to bigger and better "YES".