Marriage : A Never Graduated School (Part II)

Marriage is not an ending. Let us not assume after the wedding party, our life will be like in the Disney movie “and they live happily ever after”. Wedding is a starting point, wedding is where we begin our journey. Before we continue about it, before we start to consider to build an everlasting marriage with our spouse, we have to ask this question to ourselves, “Is s(he) the right person that I should marry with?” If we can not answer this question right now, in the future when we face troubles in the marriage, we will not find the answer why we have to stand for your marriage. This may help us.

1        -Does s(he) stimulate you to grow toward Jesus?

2    -Does s(he) has a reasonable reasons to love?   

Grovels in the Marriage Road

You and your spouse come from different background. Either it family background, social background, educational background and love language. Those factors can be a conflict in the future. For example, you are choleric and sanguine, on other side your spouse character is melancholy and phlegmatic. Can you imagine how you both can work together? Next, your spouse likes to see football and he is a big fan of one football club. While you love to go to cinema to watch movie, and he does not like to go to cinema. For him, wait until the dvd came out and he can watch in the player in home. That’s the basic one, how if like this? You think how your father raised you is the best method to raise your children, but your spouse think that how her father raised her is the best way to teach your children. Your love language is time, but his/her is gift. How you both deal with it?

Duel VS Duet

We are different; woman and man are made unique. Women mostly emotional, men mostly are logical. We also came from different backgrounds. To unite different persons in to one, is not easy. We have to work for that, some people has to work hard for that. Work hard here, does not mean is impossible to do. There keys to deal with our difference, accept and love him/her as themselves, tolerate it and help them. When we discover one or two things or even couple things that have potential to lead your relationship into conflict, do not judge them, do not condemn or even leave them. Love them as s(he) is, tolerate it and help him/her. To become one with our spouse, it means that our strength covers his/her weakness, and his/her strength must complete the area where we are weak. Our difference must become something that blend together to build a solid team. Do not use that as a weapon to show that we are better that our spouse. Marriage is not about a competition; marriage is about how to build a solid team. Our difference should me a media to make us grow, remember that marriage is a school where we learn many thing every day with our spouse?

“ For wherever there is jealousy (envy) and contention (rivalry and selfish ambition), there will also be confusion (unrest, disharmony, rebellion) and all sorts of evil and vile practices.” ( James 3:16, Amplified Bible)

But there is one thing that we can't tolerate about. We may hear this many times, you and your spouse must not be a believer and unbeliever. Let’s not talk about it. But how if you and your spouse are both believer; but you go to different church. Let’s say that you go to Church A, and your spouse goes to Church B.  For now, you both can tolerate it, or maybe you have agreed that after wedding, you can go to both churches, this week in his/her, next week in yours. First of all, this can not be happened in your marriage. As one family, you have to stand in the one ship; do not go by your own. Second thing, you have to decide what church you and your family will attend to. You have to discuss it with your spouse since now.   

Sexual Holiness

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24, KJV)

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Sex is grace. Sex is not a sin. It is given from God for us, to enjoy it. He has already design it, before the men fell into sin. But, God set it in the frame of marriage. We will enjoy sex after we got marriage. It is not written that man shall cleave unto his wife first then he’ll leave his father and his mother. Do not conform to the pattern of this world. Today’s life, today’s norm is crazy. Satan is trying hard to make people fall in the sexual sin. Satan tries to make it legal before the marriage. Also, do not be trapped in to your sexual lust. It could lead us in to sin. God has set sex in His corridor, it is marriage. Please do not lead yourself into the temptation. Maybe you are not going to have sex, but you try to do a petting, either it is mild, medium or heavy. Petting is the gate to sex. Remember that our flesh is weak. God demands holiness in His House, that is our body, then He can bless us in His altar and He shall bless our marriage. Ladies, if this can be compared to the car, you are the brake. Car, whatever the gas is stepped, no matter how deep it is stepped, as long as the brake is on, it could go nowhere. Man, please be gentle. If you truly love your wife to be, do not damage her. You are the one who has to keep her safe.

But, how if I have already done it? Can not I be forgiven? There it is. Remember the story about woman caught in adultery? The Pharisees brought her in front of many people, and Jesus as well, and condemned her because due to Law Moses, women caught in adultery had to be stoned to death. Jesus said this to her :

“…neither do I condemn you,’ Jesus declared. ‘Go now, and leave your life of sin.’” (John 8:11 NIV)

Go ask yourself forgiveness from God. You are now forgiven and do not do sin anymore.

Enlighten Your Love

You will spend third quarter of your life with your husband/wife. Every morning when you wake up, you see your spouse, before you goes to bed you also see your spouse. Most of the time you will spend together with him/her. Now, imagine it, you will have a curry rice for your breakfast menu, in the lunch time you also will have a curry rice, and for dinner, the menu is still curry rice, not for one day, but for maybe 50 years. Don’t you feel bored? I think, I do. I will feel bored with that.

Then, how if she get her period? She will be so irritating, she will be emotional and she will be so annoying. For you gentleman, you have to deal with this every months, for 50 years. Are you ready?

In the marriage, there may be boring, there may be a quarrel, there may be misunderstanding and miscommunication. We need to do something to keep the fire still on in our marriage life. There are five ways to love our spouse, to give vibes on our marriage and to maintain our love so that our marriage may be a blessing for other couples.  

Love through praise and compliment.

His salary/income may be not enough for you and family, but let him feel appreciated with his hard work, when we appreciated with the little, he will find a way to give us much.

She may be not good in cooking, but she tries to cook your favorite food when you get home, even if it taste awful, look at her love. She tries to make you happy.  

Love through a humbly service toward our spouse

Do not ever think that you already do your responsibility, you are done. Dear Husband to be, when you see your house is like a titanic, dinner are not yet ready, and you are so tired after work, a simple help for your wife is big thing for her. Anything you can help.

Dear wife to be, when he is so tired to listen to you about what kids and what you did today, do not be angry. Instead, give him a rub in his shoulder. He would feel loved, and appreciate it so much.

A simple way to serve your spouse.

Love through a physical touch

A marriage couple should be like dating couple forever. Hold my hand, kiss my cheek, hug me is the way we –women- feel your love.  A marriage couple also have to be like a new marriage couple forever. Your sexual life is a must. There you can build your intimacy.

Love through a gift

Not to mention an expensive gift, just remember your special days, celebrate it with a simple party, your love will grow. Your spouse will feel loved. If you know his favorite movie is in cinema, you can accompany him to watch, buy two tickets for you both. Or once in a while, you could buy a bouquet of flower for her, she will love it. Twice or third a year giving a gift or a little surprise won’t hurt your wallet. =)

Love through a listening.

This maybe for a man. As you know, woman need to talk more than 13000 words a day. Don’t be panic. You don’t have to respond while she is talking, grumbling or nagging. She actually just needs your time to listen to her. Just listen, and show her that you could understand what she talk, what she feel.  

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Do love like Jesus loves,

Do serve like Jesus serves,

Be humble like Jesus is.

Full of mercy like Jesus is easy to forgive.

We have a great mentor who first show us how to love our spouse. We can't do it by our own strength, we need His help. 

(to be continue)