It's been a month since my last post. So sorry for make you all waiting. In this post I'd like to share my latest camp experience, Pre-Marital Camp. Here is the story.
As I have mentioned before that I am gonna be married soon, so I and my fiance need to take a pre-marital camp. The purpose of the counseling is to prepare every couple before they enter a marriage life. They said that when we marry our boyfriend or girlfriend, we will see the true color of him/her. We will discover the habit of them we never know when we are in the relationship. One simple thing can make a trouble in our marriage life, such as our habit to push the tooth paste. If you push from bottom up, and your spouse push from the middle of the tube, it could make you both involve in the fight. It's a thing we just realize when we start to live together. That's what people say. Back to the pre-marital camp, there are 9 sessions that provide every couple before they enter a real life school.
1.Principles of Christian Marriage
2. Husband and Wife role in Christian Marriage
3. Knowing The Need and Hope from Our Spouse
4. Gravels in the Marriage Road
5. Sexual Holiness
6. Enlighten Our Love
7. Nuclear Family Vs Extended Family
8. Financial Management in the Marriage
9. Legal Aspects for Marriage
I will split my experience in to three part and three posts. Before I share about the blessing I got from this camp, I'd like to say my thank you for all the committee in this Pre-Marital Camp. This camp was held by Perhimpunan Keluarga Kharis, a non-profit Christian Organization focusing on bringing family to Christ. They have personal counseling about family, Marriage Enrichment, Pre-Marital Camp (PMC) and so on. For PMC, they held it once a year, so if you are interested to join the camp with your fiance, you can check through their website. [click here]
Principles of Christian Marriage
First of all, the principle of Christian Marriage is the idea of a marriage is from God. He initiated it and He made it. God made it because God has a plan for a marriage. Most people think that the purpose of marriage is to be happy. But it is not that. That is why now a days, trends of divorce has increased. Because their purpose is not fulfilled through their marriage. There are people whose purpose is to stabilize their economy, once they can not achieve the economy stabilization, they are disappointed and they divorce, and then re-marry with the expectation of finding what they are hoping for. There are a lot of reasons why people are married today, happiness, status, demand of parent, of because of the due age.
People may find whatever reason for them to be married, as long as it's not God's reason, we will trapped in to never ending search of good marriage. Then what is the purpose of marriage actually?
Two people, man and woman live together under a marriage is God's idea. Because God see it is not good for the man to be alone, He created that, a marriage. What is the use of cooking book? I believe the author want to help the reader by giving some information about how to cook, the recipes and so on. But instead of using it, if we don't truly understand what is the purpose of that book, we might use it as a pillow, as a mat maybe, or just a display in the shelf. The same goes on marriage, because God is the one who created it, He has a purpose on it. We can not assume that His purpose is like our purpose. We must ask Him, what is the purpose of I being marriage? is it happiness? is it self esteem need? It is not wrong, but I believe that God wants more than that. He wants a growth, He wants everyone who called to be married can see God through their marriage, can display God's love through marriage. He wants us to have a Christ-like character from our marriage. As Gary Thomas said in his book, Sacred Marriage, God designs a marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy. Happiness is one of its fruit. We could not pursue it on our marriage, otherwise we may disappointed. We should pursue God in every single process in our marriage life.
Husband and Wife role in Christian Marriage
In this session, man and woman were separated. So I will summarize what is the important thing we have to learn from this session.
MAN only :
Dear husband to be, please do love your wife as Christ love His church. Love here means an active verb. As an active verb, you have to keep doing that, it needs effort. You have to take care of her needs. You have to protect her and give her safety. As Christ first loving His Church even gave up Himself for her, in this same way, husband ought to love your wife.
Marriage is about responsibility. You are going to be the head of the family. You are responsible for the people entrusted from God to your hand, there are your wife and your children. If you think you are not capable of taking care of your needs and her needs, don't you dare to think to ask your girlfriend to her father. If you still need your parent's support, in this case, financial support, do not marry.It is not funny, you have to ask your father the money to pay your kids tuition fee.
WOMAN only :
Ladies, in the marriage, husband is the head of our house. He is appointed from God to be the head for us (wife) and for our children. Maybe our salary is over him, or our capability to lead better that him, HE IS STILL THE HEAD OF THE FAMILY. He is the one who in charge of become the leader. Remember, that we are the helper. We must take a position to help our husband to be the head. In the world where feminism is mostly upheld, we may thing that now we have the same position with a man. Yes, it is right maybe in many case, but not in the Christian Marriage.
As it's seen in the picture, Christ is the head of the house, and husband is the head of his family, his wife and his children. There are so much trouble when people are not in their position, taking their role. Many deviation come from this, such as these days trends, man marry a man. It is not because of his sin, or he is abnormal. A research I heard, it is a child memory which is responsible for making him a gay. Because during his childhood seeing a super mom, authoritarian mom, or a dominant mom more than his father, making him afraid of woman and lack of father' role in his life. In the future, instead of find a woman for his spouse, he find a man that he thinks could fill the missing role in his life.
See, God has set everything. When we walk out from the track He has set, what we find is chaos, unhappy marriage, and unhappy family. Be wise Ladies :)
Knowing The Need and Hope from Our Spouse
Man and woman has different needs. Family, education background can differ our needs. This is important before we enter a marriage life. Have we ever discuss it with our partner? What is your need and your hope, can he/she fulfill it? Because mostly, we just expect that our spouse know our need and surely s(he) will fulfill it. But s(he) is not God who can do mind reading. We need to communicate it,clearly.
Here are the guide to break down our needs.
Primary needs :
Social needs :
Intellectual needs :
Spiritual needs :
After you write down your needs, discuss it with your spouse and find out whether our need is too much for him/her, or is it okay for them.
=========================================================================
Our life is God's design, including our marriage life. We will know the purpose of our marriage if we ask the creator what is His purpose, and of course we have to live our life according to what He set. The beautiful of Christian Marriage is that we involve God in our marriage, and ask him the strength to do our role in our marriage. We are a sinner, we need help, we could not do that alone, and God know it. That's why God give us the Holy spirit and a manual book, -bible-.
The Lord God said," It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him"(Genesis 2:17, NIV)
Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, he had taken out for the man and he brought her to the man. (Gen 2:22)
Two people, man and woman live together under a marriage is God's idea. Because God see it is not good for the man to be alone, He created that, a marriage. What is the use of cooking book? I believe the author want to help the reader by giving some information about how to cook, the recipes and so on. But instead of using it, if we don't truly understand what is the purpose of that book, we might use it as a pillow, as a mat maybe, or just a display in the shelf. The same goes on marriage, because God is the one who created it, He has a purpose on it. We can not assume that His purpose is like our purpose. We must ask Him, what is the purpose of I being marriage? is it happiness? is it self esteem need? It is not wrong, but I believe that God wants more than that. He wants a growth, He wants everyone who called to be married can see God through their marriage, can display God's love through marriage. He wants us to have a Christ-like character from our marriage. As Gary Thomas said in his book, Sacred Marriage, God designs a marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy. Happiness is one of its fruit. We could not pursue it on our marriage, otherwise we may disappointed. We should pursue God in every single process in our marriage life.
Husband and Wife role in Christian Marriage
In this session, man and woman were separated. So I will summarize what is the important thing we have to learn from this session.
MAN only :
Dear husband to be, please do love your wife as Christ love His church. Love here means an active verb. As an active verb, you have to keep doing that, it needs effort. You have to take care of her needs. You have to protect her and give her safety. As Christ first loving His Church even gave up Himself for her, in this same way, husband ought to love your wife.
Marriage is about responsibility. You are going to be the head of the family. You are responsible for the people entrusted from God to your hand, there are your wife and your children. If you think you are not capable of taking care of your needs and her needs, don't you dare to think to ask your girlfriend to her father. If you still need your parent's support, in this case, financial support, do not marry.It is not funny, you have to ask your father the money to pay your kids tuition fee.
WOMAN only :
"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husband as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husband in everything." (Ephesians 5:22-24)
Ladies, in the marriage, husband is the head of our house. He is appointed from God to be the head for us (wife) and for our children. Maybe our salary is over him, or our capability to lead better that him, HE IS STILL THE HEAD OF THE FAMILY. He is the one who in charge of become the leader. Remember, that we are the helper. We must take a position to help our husband to be the head. In the world where feminism is mostly upheld, we may thing that now we have the same position with a man. Yes, it is right maybe in many case, but not in the Christian Marriage.
See, God has set everything. When we walk out from the track He has set, what we find is chaos, unhappy marriage, and unhappy family. Be wise Ladies :)
Knowing The Need and Hope from Our Spouse
Man and woman has different needs. Family, education background can differ our needs. This is important before we enter a marriage life. Have we ever discuss it with our partner? What is your need and your hope, can he/she fulfill it? Because mostly, we just expect that our spouse know our need and surely s(he) will fulfill it. But s(he) is not God who can do mind reading. We need to communicate it,clearly.
Here are the guide to break down our needs.
Primary needs :
Social needs :
Intellectual needs :
Spiritual needs :
After you write down your needs, discuss it with your spouse and find out whether our need is too much for him/her, or is it okay for them.
=========================================================================
Our life is God's design, including our marriage life. We will know the purpose of our marriage if we ask the creator what is His purpose, and of course we have to live our life according to what He set. The beautiful of Christian Marriage is that we involve God in our marriage, and ask him the strength to do our role in our marriage. We are a sinner, we need help, we could not do that alone, and God know it. That's why God give us the Holy spirit and a manual book, -bible-.
-to be continue-
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