Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave
unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24, KJV)
Nuclear Family and Extended Family
Nuclear family is father, mother,
and children. Extended family is family with grandparent, aunt, uncle etc. When
we are married, we are supposed to create a new nuclear family, with you, your
spouse and your children. We will leave our own parent and stay together
(cleave) with our spouse.
But the dilemma is, mostly, new
married couple has not financial stability yet to afford a house. Or our parent
wants us to live with them after our marriage. So we live together with them.
It is not wrong, but it would be better if we don’t.
God is the one who initiated
marriage and God has recommended us
to start a new independent family. He knows that a new marriage couple would
never be independent if they still live with their parent. It would raise a
conflict possibility. A husband, would never become a head of the family,
because if he live with his parent after marriage, the head of the family still
his father. For example, let’s say we are going to raise our children with
discipline. If we stay with your parent, it would be difficult because our
parent tends to spoil our children.
But, how is my spouse is the only
child? He can not leave his parent alone. Hhm, it is difficult. But you can
make a deal. You can stay out for two or three years, then you can back. At
least, you both have learn how to become a husband and wife, a head and helper,
you have your own “family system”.
www.lgrc.us
Family system
Family system is set of vision,
mission and rules created by us (you and your spouse) for us. It is important for
your family. One aspect of become independent is you know where your family is
going. The system is also prevent your “new” family is intervened by your
parent, your in law family or others. Let me simplify this.
Family vision : become a family
which set a light for and become a blessing for other.
Family mission : create a family
which every member of family has a fear of God and live in God-ly life.
Family rules :
1. Open
communication
2. Democracy
1. Dinner
time together
2. Family
Prayer Altar
Financial Aspect
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave
unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24, KJV)
In the financial aspect, the most
important is between us and our spouse there will be no more separation, my
money and his money, her money and my money. No more. Since we are united in
one flesh, everything to be followed is united also. As a new couple, manage a
finance will be troublesome. We no longer have to fulfill our needs, we also have
to think about our family. If we were still two, it will be no affect, but if
we already have children, we must be very wise to manage our money. Financial management
is important. At least, we have to allocate our money in these sectors :
Main :
1. Tithe
2. Offering
3. Household
chores ( kitchen, toiletries, etc)
4. Bills
(Electricity, water, telephone)
5. Education
( tuition, pocket money)
6. Family
Health insurance
7. Transportation
( bus, gasoline, car insurance, tax etc)
8. You
and your spouse pocket money
9. Emergency
fund
Optional
1. Salary
( Gardener, helper, baby sitter, driver etc)
1. Holiday
1. Pension
Plan
1. Social
( for wedding, or funeral, or gift for parent, etc)
1. Saving
Point 1-8 is the main. We must
consider it as our priority while point 10-14 is optional, it could be, or
could not be. The point is, that we have to manage our money, so that our outcome does not exceed our income.
Legal Aspect
Before we marry, please consider
the legal aspect. There are many requirements we have to fulfill so that our
marriage is legal. Do not think that after being blessed by our church, we are
legal as husband and wife. We have to go to Civil Registration to register our
marriage. Go to your nearest Civil Registration to get the requirements, and
spare more time to do this.
Summary
We are married not for happiness,
we are married for the purpose of God. He designed marriage for our spiritual
growth. God created married to make us holy (Gary Thomas in the “Sacred
Marriage”). God initiated marriage that through a marriage we can grow in the
Christ-like character. He also wants a family where God is glorified there and
be a God for their family. He also wants to demonstrate His love through a
marriage. When we see that, we have to put in mind that marriage is God’s
agenda, marriage is sacred.
I learnt a lot of thing in this
Premarital Camp held by Perhimpunan Keluarga Kharis. Everything I have shared
for you in this and previous posts. I shared what everything I got and
everything I learnt. I hope it can be blessing for you all. But I want to
recommend you to join that camp as well. I believe you can learn more and more things there. Please do sign up for the
next camp =) check the detail in its website.
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